Showing posts from April, 2018

Finding Home

"I'm coming home," he says.  And over the next days as finals finish up and dorm rooms are packed up, they will all be here.  Home.  All 5 of us together once again.
Webster says that home means the place you live.  Your permanent residence where all your stuff is.  For a long time home is where you grow-up, where you're from and what made you who you are.  But that can even be too painful to call home for some.  Many call home a place and for others it is a trail of places.  After you have moved around and survived enough transitions, finding home can become blurred and distorted.  Forever just out of reach.  Roots never settled or connections unable to attach and you begin to believe home is unattainable.
I believed that for awhile.  Allowed the sadness of it to hang on a bit too long even.  Thinking that feeling at home somewhere wasn't possible for me anymore.  So I clung hard to what I did have, my husband and 3 kids and felt like I had found home.  With the…

Allowing access and a piece of paper

The birds have returned, chirping their cheerful tunes of contentment.  Trees still drip and sway from the morning rain that welcomed this Monday.   A beautiful symphony for my soul as it leans into a new week with all of it's agendas and lists.  Busy comings and goings over these weeks of meetings, new directions, re-sets, all with the anticipation of kids wrapping up another year of college and being together again. Clouds open up as the sky breaks forth even for a moment and then the wind hurries them along.  Going to be a day where if you close your eyes, you may miss it.  The beauty of change.   I have closed my eyes too many times.  I have missed, been unwilling to let go for the beauty to arise.  Afraid of the song it may sing or the scar it might brush up against.  The vulnerability of it all.  This beauty of change.  
Of being moldable,  soft and safe when in the hands of a loving God.   A place to breathe, and unclench.   Heart and hands open trusting He is good. Allowing All Ac…

A blank wall

“But you know that disappointment is just the action of your brain readjusting itself to reality after discovering things are not the way you thought they were" I heard someone say.  Or maybe it was what they should be, or used to be. I mull this over as stare at the wall.  This big blank wall with all the promise of a new creative solution.  And I cannot for the life of me decide what I want to put there.  So my mind wanders and ponders over my life and all of who I am.   I think like my life, I am hesitating the commitment of putting that nail in the wall.  Is this what I really want to put there?  Living disappointed or being afraid of disappointment will do that do you.
Make you question
and second guess.
Over think and re-analyze.
In other words, drive yourself crazy or paralyze any forward movement.
A blank wall waiting for an idea.  And another day goes by. Martin Luther King Jr said, "There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love." Love of family, fri…