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Friday, May 31, 2013

Yeah

I am back.  I have started this "I am back" post probably 20 times, never being able to finish.  Some of it was in my head and never made it to the keyboard and some are draft bits calling me to come complete.
So much to say, roads crossed, lessons learned but here I am, stronger, wiser (not older!), and still digging it out everyday.  I didn't write for so long for several reasons-
Life got busy
was uninspired
couldn't finish
felt sense of failure
so easier to just avoid.

Yet words are my love language- I love them.  I love coming up with ways to best express them, I love using them to lift up others, and I am inspired and encouraged when reading them from others.
And for a while I lost them.

Sometimes there are just no words.  I have been through a couple of word droughts before-
One through a time of pain, and another being out of frustration.
Yet this one was neither.
Last year my word for 2012 was INTENTIONAL (you can read about why I chose it HERE)
and I believe now as I look back over the year I intentionally made a decision to focus on my relationships with my husband, kids and ultimately between myself and God.
So the written word took a backseat for me and instead of writing about my life, I engaged more.
And truly I didn't even realize that was what I was doing

UNTIL now.  (so what if we are almost 6mo. into 2013 and I haven't picked a word yet!)

We can wait for hope to wash up on our shores, or paddle out after it. What we do shapes who we are -Bob Goff Quote
Popped up on twitter the other day.  It struck me.  I have been paddling.  Paddling hard for the life that I wanted....for the people that I love and those relationships.  Being intentional.
There have been days of frustration and confusion but mostly just good days where I made the choice to,  as my dad would always say, "leave it all out on the court/field" (depending on which season :)).

And it felt good.  Freeing and like I lived.  All the moments....
lacrosse games, ballet classes, and the driving here and there, special time with my sister, friend time, new friendships formed.....

I believe that the last year really shaped me. 
And filled in some of the gaps I have long been staring at and even frustrated with.  

It all came down to really this......
TRUST.
Trust in God- like for real
Trust in myself and who God has made me to be
Trust in my husband
Trust in the future

Because when things have caved in once, it sure gives you cause for looking over your shoulder and peeking around corners to be sure it's safe.

I have stopped looking over my shoulder.
Keeping my eyes focused on what God has given to me for today.
Believing God has the future in His Hands.

And it just feels right.
so I guess I can write again.