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Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Camp

It all started the summer before 5th grade. I got to go to camp and I fell in love. Not with a boy- but with the few moments that I got to be away. Free from parents, school, responsibility and just enjoy myself. And as I got older it became a growing place for me. True spiritual markers. I remember vividly counting the days until camp. So you can imagine my anticipation with dropping my own 3 off at camp yesterday.
My Hannah experiencing camp for the first time but all 3 new to this camp. Oregon kids. As we pulled up I eyed the premises closely, pondering what must have been going through their heads. They hadn't been counting the days. We insisted that they go. An opportunity we said. You need to make friends.....you will have a blast we promised.
The awkwardness. The nervousness was palatable as Dale left us glued to our seats, staring out the windshield. Kids were pouring out of their cars. Energy for what was to come. And we sat. Silence. After what seemed like an hour we spotted him coming around the building, paper in hand and I said to them....you are going to have so much fun.
I am not sure if I was trying to convince myself or them.


We got them safely into their cabins. Even met a few kids. It was time to go. If left to me, I would of found a room and stayed. To be sure. Sure that they would be okay. If you are a mom, you know the feeling. Little girl eyes pleading with me to stay. Boys giving me the look of - please go mom, but- don't really leave me here. I admit I stalled a bit. Probably lingered too long. My heart was heavy....and full. These 3, the love I feel I hardly can find words.

As we drove off, I kept my eyes on them. Watched as they made their way into an open field full of others. I scanned the area.....would they be accepted? Cared for? Then I couldn't see them anymore.
They will be fine Dale tells me.
I know.
I was......remember, I loved camp. They will too. I prayed. Prayed that they would quickly find their bearings, find friends. Connect. And most importantly connect with God.
Camp was that for me.
These are just one of the many steps of letting go.
Of watching all that you've invested in and poured into flourish. Live. If you smother it....it will never grow and be all that it is suppose to be.
And of Trusting God.
Be with my kids God. I trust you with them. Allow them to fall in love with camp.....fall in love with you.

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